Narcissistic Triangulation: Psychological Profiles of the Third Party in Narcissistic Abuse

Abstract

Triangulation is a hallmark tactic used by narcissists to control, destabilize, and manipulate their primary victims. While much of the literature focuses on the narcissist and the direct victim, the third party — the person drawn into the triangle — plays a critical psychological and social role in the dynamic. This paper explores the personality, cognitive, and relational traits of individuals most likely to be used by narcissists in triangulation. We review empirical and clinical research from psychology, attachment theory, and social neuroscience to develop a profile of typical triangulated individuals. This work offers insight into how narcissistic systems sustain themselves interpersonally and highlights implications for prevention, intervention, and survivor recovery.

Introduction

Narcissistic abuse, particularly in intimate and organizational settings, is characterized by manipulative strategies designed to fragment trust and consolidate control. One of the most insidious tactics is triangulation — introducing a third person (or group) to create rivalry, jealousy, comparison, or confusion in the primary victim. First identified within psychoanalytic and family systems theories (Minuchin, 1974; Bowen, 1978), triangulation is now recognized as a core feature in narcissistic relational abuse (Campbell & Miller, 2011).

Despite widespread awareness of the abuser–victim dyad, far less attention is given to the third party: the individual(s) used to triangulate. Who are these people? What makes them susceptible to being used in narcissistic systems? This paper seeks to fill that gap.

Defining Triangulation in Narcissistic Abuse

Triangulation involves the narcissist inserting another person into a two-person relationship to manipulate the balance of power, provoke jealousy, or validate the narcissist’s superiority (Greenberg et al., 2008). This can take many forms:

Romantic: Introducing an ex or new partner to provoke insecurity.
Social: Using friends, colleagues, or family members as informants, defenders, or flying monkeys.
Institutional: Involving HR, therapists, or religious leaders to discredit or isolate the victim.

These manipulations often rely on the narcissist’s ability to influence and mobilize others who are unaware of the full dynamics at play (Stines, 2017).

Psychological Profiles of Triangulated Individuals

1. The Empathic or Co-dependent Third Party

One of the most common types used in triangulation is the empathic helper — individuals driven by a desire to fix, mediate, or please. These persons often have high agreeableness (Costa & McCrae, 1992), anxious-preoccupied attachment styles (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991), and low assertiveness, making them ideal targets for manipulation. The narcissist may exploit their good intentions by casting themselves as a victim and positioning the primary target as unstable or abusive.

“Empaths often confuse compassion with tolerance of abuse.” – Rosenberg (2013)

2. The Ambitious Accomplice or Narcissistic Proxy

Narcissists may also triangulate with those who crave validation and are susceptible to flattery — sometimes exhibiting narcissistic traits themselves. These individuals often gain status or insider access by siding with the narcissist. They may be manipulated through promises of loyalty, career benefits, or social approval.

This third party may internalize the narcissist’s projection, engaging in smear campaigns or gossip without verifying the truth. They often operate within hierarchical or competitive systems, such as the military, academia, or corporate environments, where proximity to power is highly valued.

3. The Naïve or Passive Bystander

These individuals are often unaware they are being used. They may lack critical thinking skills, emotional insight, or awareness of manipulative behavior. This third party is often deployed in gaslighting situations, where their “neutral” perspective is invoked to undermine the victim’s reality.

“They didn’t see it either” becomes a tool for denial and invalidation.

The passive bystander may also suffer from pluralistic ignorance — the belief that since no one else is speaking up, nothing is wrong (Miller & McFarland, 1991).

4. The Enmeshed Family Member or Flying Monkey

Family systems theory describes enmeshment as a blurring of emotional boundaries. Narcissists often enlist family members — particularly children, ex-partners, or siblings — who are emotionally dependent or controlled by loyalty and fear (Minuchin, 1974). These individuals act as “flying monkeys”, reinforcing the narcissist’s narrative and punishing the victim through shunning, gossip, or legal pressure.

Cognitive and Social Mechanisms

Several cognitive and social mechanisms increase susceptibility to triangulation:

Moral licensing: The belief that supporting a “good person” (the narcissist) justifies bad behavior toward the victim.
Cognitive dissonance: The refusal to revise one’s perception of the narcissist as manipulative, leading to rationalization of their behavior (Festinger, 1957).
Social proof and confirmation bias: When triangulated individuals see others siding with the narcissist, they take it as evidence of the victim’s alleged faults (Cialdini, 2001).

Implications for Therapy and Recovery

Understanding the roles of triangulated individuals helps survivors:

De-personalize the betrayal: Recognizing the traits that made the third party vulnerable can reduce self-blame.
Set firmer boundaries: Therapy can help victims identify triangulation attempts early and disengage from manipulative setups.
Rebuild social trust: Teaching survivors how to identify trustworthy relationships based on reciprocity, transparency, and mutual respect.
For mental health professionals, educating third parties on narcissistic dynamics is essential. Psychoeducation may prevent unwitting collusion and foster accountability in systems that enable abusers.

Conclusion

Narcissistic triangulation is a complex social dynamic involving more than just the abuser and the abused. The third party — whether empathic, ambitious, naïve, or enmeshed — plays a pivotal role in maintaining or disrupting abusive systems. Understanding these profiles offers a deeper lens into narcissistic relational abuse and expands the possibilities for recovery, intervention, and system-wide accountability.

References

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