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Cuffing Season, Toxic Relationships, and the Psychological Necessity of No Contact | Melanie Boling, Boling Expeditionary Research

Cuffing Season, Toxic Relationships, and the Psychological Necessity of No Contact

Abstract

“Cuffing season”—the cultural phenomenon where individuals seek temporary relationships during colder months—has been popularly discussed as harmless or even romantic. However, research in psychology and neuroscience suggests that the behavioral dynamics underpinning this pattern can foster attachment to toxic partners, increase vulnerability to manipulation, and impair long-term mental health. This paper examines the neurological and psychological risks of cuffing season, the mechanisms toxic individuals use to re-enter victims’ lives, and the benefits of strict no-contact boundaries for long-term well-being.

Introduction

The cultural script of cuffing season encourages short-term attachments during times of loneliness, seasonal affective vulnerability, and reduced social activity. While often framed humorously, this cycle can reinforce maladaptive attachment dynamics, especially for individuals with histories of trauma, codependency, or relationships with Cluster B personality disordered partners. Toxic individuals often exploit seasonal loneliness, monitoring or “watching” former partners’ lives as an entry point to re-establish contact. This pattern of cyclical re-engagement has measurable impacts on stress physiology, cognition, and emotional regulation.

Seasonal Vulnerability and Neurobiology

Winter months are associated with increased prevalence of depressive symptoms, loneliness, and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Reduced sunlight leads to dysregulation of serotonin and dopamine, neurotransmitters critical to mood and reward systems (Rosenthal et al., 2008). During this neurochemical imbalance, individuals are more prone to seeking external sources of comfort and validation.

Toxic partners—especially those exhibiting narcissistic or borderline traits—capitalize on this neurobiological vulnerability. Research indicates that intermittent reinforcement from toxic relationships activates the mesolimbic dopamine pathway, mirroring patterns observed in addiction (Fisher et al., 2016). This explains why victims may feel “drawn back” despite past harm.

Manipulation Through Monitoring and Re-Entry

A hallmark of toxic individuals is surveillance-like behavior following relationship dissolution. They may covertly monitor social media, mutual connections, or professional updates. This “watching” behavior is not neutral—it is a preparatory phase for manipulation. By collecting information, they identify emotional openings to reinsert themselves.

Psychologically, this aligns with hoovering tactics—attempts to “suck” the victim back into the toxic dynamic. Hoovering can include nostalgic messages, fabricated crises, or feigned self-improvement. Such behaviors exploit the brain’s mirror neuron systems (Rizzolatti & Sinigaglia, 2010), triggering empathy responses in the victim that bypass rational evaluation.

Mental Health Consequences of Re-Engagement

Engaging with toxic ex-partners during cuffing season creates profound mental health risks:

1. Stress Response Dysregulation: Chronic exposure to relational manipulation elevates cortisol levels, impairing hippocampal function and memory (McEwen, 2017).

2. Attachment Trauma Re-Activation: Returning to harmful dynamics can re-trigger childhood attachment wounds, reinforcing maladaptive schemas of abandonment and rejection.

3. Cognitive Dissonance: Victims often oscillate between awareness of abuse and longing for connection, leading to rumination, intrusive thoughts, and decision paralysis.

4. Neuroplastic Entrenchment: Repeated cycles of reconciliation strengthen maladaptive neural pathways, making escape progressively more difficult.

No Contact as Neurological and Psychological Intervention

Research supports no contact as the most effective boundary for recovery from toxic relationships. No contact interrupts cycles of intermittent reinforcement, allowing dopaminergic systems to recalibrate. It also prevents re-traumatization through manipulation.

• Neurobiological Reset: Abstinence from toxic cues allows the amygdala and prefrontal cortex to re-establish balance, improving emotional regulation.

• Cognitive Liberation: Removing external surveillance reduces hypervigilance and frees cognitive resources for self-growth.

• Identity Reconstruction: Without toxic feedback loops, survivors can realign with authentic values and rebuild self-concept.

Conclusion

Cuffing season should not be trivialized as a benign cultural trend. For survivors of toxic relationships, it can serve as a high-risk period for re-engagement, manipulation, and psychological harm. Understanding the neurobiological underpinnings of seasonal vulnerability and the manipulative strategies of toxic individuals underscores the importance of firm no-contact boundaries. Ultimately, prioritizing self-protection during these months is an act of psychological resilience and a safeguard for long-term mental health.

References

• Fisher, H., Xu, X., Aron, A., & Brown, L. (2016). Intense, passionate, romantic love: A natural addiction? Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 361(1476), 2173–2186.

• McEwen, B. S. (2017). Neurobiological and systemic effects of chronic stress. Chronic Stress, 1, 1–11.

• Rizzolatti, G., & Sinigaglia, C. (2010). The functional role of the parieto-frontal mirror circuit: Interpretations and misinterpretations. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 11(4), 264–274.

• Rosenthal, N. E., et al. (2008). Seasonal affective disorder: An overview of assessment and treatment approaches. CNS Spectrums, 13(8), 645–653.

The Effects of Borderline Personality Disorder in Extreme Environments | Melanie Boling, Boling Expeditionary Research

The Effects of Borderline Personality Disorder in Extreme Environments | Melanie Boling, Boling Expeditionary Research

Comorbid histrionic personality disorder (HPD) traits can exacerbate these issues. HPD is defined by excessive attention-seeking, dramatic emotional expression, and sexually provocative behavior . Individuals with histrionic traits crave being at the center of attention and may feel unappreciated or anxious when they are not. They often exhibit flirtatious or inappropriately sexual behavior and rapidly shifting, shallow emotions that may appear insincere . When BPD and HPD co-occur, the person not only experiences intense unstable emotions (BPD) but also has a strong drive to attract attention and approval (HPD). This combination can manifest in manipulative or seductive interpersonal styles, rooted in deep fears of abandonment and a need for validation.

Conclusions and Recommendations: Amazonian Entheogen Therapy for the treatment of U.S. Military Veterans. // Melanie Boling, Graduate Student of Neuropsychology, Harvard University.

Conclusions and Recommendations

“Ayahuasca brew consists of the ayahuasca vine or Banisteriopsis caapi and an admixture like the chacruna leaves or Psychotria viridis. Ayahuasca effects are caused by the synergistic interaction of β-carbolines (harmine, harmaline and tetrahydroarmine) contained in Banisteriopsis caapi stalks combined with the N,N-dimethyltryptamine (DMT) from Psychotria viridis leaves, a potent agonist to serotonin (5-HT) receptors.”

“Ayahuasca brew consists of the ayahuasca vine or Banisteriopsis caapi and an admixture like the chacruna leaves or Psychotria viridis. Ayahuasca effects are caused by the synergistic interaction of β-carbolines (harmine, harmaline and tetrahydroarmine) contained in Banisteriopsis caapi stalks combined with the N,N-dimethyltryptamine (DMT) from Psychotria viridis leaves, a potent agonist to serotonin (5-HT) receptors.”

Many veterans are trapped in their trauma and plant medicine has provided the means for releasing trauma during their psychedelic experience (Veterans Are Turning to Ayahuasca for PTSD Relief, n.d.).

A small shamanic ceremony would also allow for facilitators and shamans alike to stay true to their culture. Plant Medicine Healing Centers and Clinics allow shamans; tribal members; and facilitators to continue practicing the traditions of their culture and making a living while doing so; all the while preserving and safeguarding a living history allows for more generations to learn the way of the rainforest through plant medicine.

Healing centers lower the dependent variable of a tribe from going extinct; or moving further away from traditional ways that are not successfully being passed onto the younger generations (Plotkin, 2021).

Melanie Boling and Expeditionary Service Dog River Roux with the healers of a Shibipo Tribe Healing Center in the Andes Mountains of Peru (Imagery Beyond Borders, January 2021).

Melanie Boling and Expeditionary Service Dog River Roux with the healers of a Shibipo Tribe Healing Center in the Andes Mountains of Peru (Imagery Beyond Borders, January 2021).

“Benefits obtained from the brew intake, such as mind healing, increased self-knowledge, improved memory and persistently elevated mood. It has gained recent traction with U.S. Military Veterans for seeking healing from treatment-resistant mental illness such as Anxiety, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Depression.”

“Benefits obtained from the brew intake, such as mind healing, increased self-knowledge, improved memory and persistently elevated mood. It has gained recent traction with U.S. Military Veterans for seeking healing from treatment-resistant mental illness such as Anxiety, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Depression.”

Amazonian Entheogens or Psychedelic Plant Medicine hold great potential for the treatment of U.S. Military Veterans, and applying this through small group indigenous shamanic ceremonies, holds space to guide survivors into a journey within themselves for those seeking therapeutic healing for specific treatment-resistant illnesses such as Complex-Post-traumatic Stress Disorder or C-PTSD; Military Sexual Trauma or MST; and Traumatic Brain Injury or TBI. 

Trust and safety are the key components to the overall success of Psychedelic Plant Medicine.

“The most important tool used by shamans is the icaro. These traditional songs sung or whistled by shamans before, during, and after an ayahuasca ceremony not only comprise the setting of the experience, they also positively influence the internal landscape of a person’s psyche. While we’re still trying to understand icaros in therapeutic terms, there’s no doubt that these songs play a vital role in the healing aspects of ayahuasca.”

“The most important tool used by shamans is the icaro. These traditional songs sung or whistled by shamans before, during, and after an ayahuasca ceremony not only comprise the setting of the experience, they also positively influence the internal landscape of a person’s psyche. While we’re still trying to understand icaros in therapeutic terms, there’s no doubt that these songs play a vital role in the healing aspects of ayahuasca.”

I feel that the answers to all of the world’s problems lie within the world’s rainforests, specifically the Amazon Rainforest. There is much more to learn about Psychedelic Plant Medicine and questions to be answered used for the healing of the United States Military Veteran Community.

Some questions that I have for the scientific community that has yet to be researched are:

  1. If different parts of the same ayahuasca plant are said to cause different experiences with the same user; could these different parts of the same plant be used to treat different illnesses? 

  2. Would cultivation and/or harvesting of the ayahuasca vine at different periods of the plant’s growth cause a different experience for the user or could it be used to treat different illnesses? IE. CBD vs CBG?

  3. Does adding the ayahuasca vine with various admixtures beyond the charunca leaf be used to treat other specific illnesses? IE. Cancer, or Stroke.

  4. Can different lineages of the ayahuasca vine be used to treat more specific illnesses? IE. Alzheimer’s, or Parkinson’s Disease.

  5. Will the consumption of ayahuasca brew in an “extreme environment” such as “high-altitude environments” cause a warp-speed healing event in patients/users such as someone with a traumatic brain injury or brain damage caused by stroke? (I already know the answer to this, to be revealed at a later time).

  6. If ayahuasca, psilocybin mushrooms, and San Pedro Cactus or “huacuma” were to be administered in a clinical setting, even as a microdose; then combined with a “simulated extreme environment”, such as Hyper-Baric Oxygen Therapy or HBOT which is used to promote neurogenesis in the brain after TBI; could these variables also play a role in the “warp-speed” healing of neurogenesis on the brain and body?

Ayahuasca inhibits various parts of the brain associated with cognitive flexibility. It produces structural changes within the brain that are responsible for activity within 24 hours of ayahuasca consumption which leads to positive increases in cognitive flexibility. Results show that mindfulness is beneficial and lasting to the first-time or experienced ayahuasca user. Ayahuasca’s use allows the loosening of one’s cognitive grip which helps alleviate the feeling of being stuck and the depression associated with similar behavioral patterns (Murphy-Beiner & Soar, 2020). 

Ayahuasca inhibits various parts of the brain associated with cognitive flexibility. It produces structural changes within the brain that are responsible for activity within 24 hours of ayahuasca consumption which leads to positive increases in cognitive flexibility. Results show that mindfulness is beneficial and lasting to the first-time or experienced ayahuasca user. Ayahuasca’s use allows the loosening of one’s cognitive grip which helps alleviate the feeling of being stuck and the depression associated with similar behavioral patterns (Murphy-Beiner & Soar, 2020). 

My wish is that with my own scientific field research I can solve problems; provide the answers to some of these scientific questions; and do my part in guiding others within my own United States Military Veteran Community and the world, to realize the full potential of Entheogen Therapy or Psychedelic Plant Medicine from the Amazon Rainforest.

United States Air Force Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom Combat Veteran Melanie Boling in the Peruvian Andes as part of her scientific research for Harvard University, where she is pursuing a Masters Degree in Neuropsychology; and Graduate Certificate in Environmental Policy and International Development. Boling is an Extreme (ICE) Environments Behavioural Ecologist for her NGO, Peer Wild (Imagery Beyond Borders, January 2021).

United States Air Force Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom Combat Veteran Melanie Boling in the Peruvian Andes as part of her scientific research for Harvard University, where she is pursuing a Masters Degree in Neuropsychology; and Graduate Certificate in Environmental Policy and International Development. Boling is an Extreme (ICE) Environments Behavioural Ecologist for her NGO, Peer Wild (Imagery Beyond Borders, January 2021).

Would you like to know more?

Be sure to read back on all of our articles about Entheogen Therapy or Psychedelic Plant Medicine derived from the scientific paper,Reported results of Amazonian Entheogens for treatment of Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD); Military Sexual Trauma (MST); and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) among U.S. Military Veterans and the benefits of application through small group indigenous shamanic ceremonies.”


References:

Boling, Melanie. (2021). Melanie Noelani Boling. Imagery Beyond Borders. https://imagerybeyondborders.org

Boling, Melanie (2021). Reported results of Amazonian Entheogens for treatment of Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD); Military Sexual Trauma (MST); and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) among U.S. Military Veterans and the benefits of application through small group indigenous shamanic ceremonies. The Amazon Rainforest: From Conservation to Climate Change-research. Harvard Summer School, August 9, 2021.

Murphy-Beiner, A, and K Soar. “Ayahuasca’s ‘Afterglow’: Improved Mindfulness and Cognitive Flexibility in Ayahuasca Drinkers.” Psychopharmacology 237, no. 4 (April 2020): 1161–69. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00213-019-05445-3.

Plotkin, M. J. (2021). The Amazon: What everyone needs to know. Chapter 8 seminar. Lecture notes The Amazon Rainforest: From Conservation to Climate Change- seminar. Harvard Summer School. Delivered 3 August 2021.

“Veterans Are Turning to Ayahuasca for PTSD Relief.” Accessed July 15, 2021. https://www.vice.com/en/article/a3kaye/veterans-are-turning-to-ayahuasca-for-ptsd-relief.


About the author:

Melanie began attending Harvard in 2020 to complete a Graduate Certificate in Human Behavior with a specialization in Neuropsychology. Boling’s research has examined extreme environments and how they can have a potential negative impact on humans operating in the extreme environment. During her time at Harvard, she has built a mental wellness tool called a psychological field kit. Implementing these tools will allow an individual to thrive in an extreme environment while mitigating negative variables such as abnormal human behavior which can play a role in team degradation.

Melanie Boling, Extreme (ICE) Environments Behavioural Ecologist, Peer Wild and Graduate Student of Neuropsychology, Harvard University.

Melanie Boling, Extreme (ICE) Environments Behavioural Ecologist, Peer Wild and Graduate Student of Neuropsychology, Harvard University.